Insider's look at magicians.

You know you're a magician when...

...you are the only one driving to work while practicing palming a quarter.

...you pull five bucks out of your waitress's ear to leave a tip.

...you just bought more toys at the dollar store than your kids, because of
a trick you plan on making.

...you always walk around with three different decks of cards in your
pockets because each one is set up for a different trick.

...you pull the four aces out of the deck ... only to lose them back into
the deck ... just so you can find them again!

...instead of just spreading four cards and showing that there are four, you
count them!

...you save your wife's/girlfriend's stockings with runs in them.

...you refer to everyday objects as "ordinary". <-- My favorite

...you can have a heated debate whether Dai pronounced "Day" or "Die".

...you have more than a dozen open decks of cards and even more unopened
ones.

...you accidentally do a double while playing "Go Fish!"

...you are the only one that can have fun with a Blank Deck.

...you refer to handkerchief as "silks".

...every coin that you receive gets "accidentally" palmed.

...you have a deck of cards and some half dollars within arms reach of the
toilet bowl!

...you have 101 retorts for the question "How'd you do that?"

...you're willing to pay $15 to learn how to make $1 disappear.

...you own more than three tuxedos.

...your twin boys are named Siegfried and Roy.

...your idea of a fun date involves a lady and a saw.

...you have a dog named "Houdini".

...you go to the S&M store for handcuffs but not for the reason they think.

...you are back-ordered for rabbits and mice at the pet store.

...you have more than three decks of cards on you at any given time.

...you introduce your wife as "My assistant."

...someone asks for your card you give them the Ace of Diamonds.

...you wear black on the Anniversary of Houdini's death.

...you see a bag and wonder how long it would take to escape from it.

...you try to teach your cat to jump through burning hoops like Siegfried
and Roy's tigers.

...your best pick up line begins with "Pick a card".

...you watch the space shuttle lift off and start thinking of ways to make
it disappear.

...you have never been to the insane asylum, yet you own a straight jacket.

...no one will play cards with you....ever.

...you have "at least" eleven fingers.

... you paid $25.00 for a quarter.

...you are playing cards with the guys and when someone asks you to shuffle
the deck, you get a blank look on your face and ask "You mean a real
shuffle?!"

...then you have to think really hard to remember how to do a real shuffle.

...the oldest deck of cards in use in your possession was purchased a week
ago and you're ready to toss it.

...you can't help but wonder what those cups would look like mouth-down on
the table.

...the thought of bending or writing on a playing card doesn't throw you for
a loop anymore.

...you have half-dollars in your house that you acquired on purpose.

...you get a strange pleasure when you hear any of the following words or
phrases in normal conversation: "spellbound," "triumph," "pass," "assembly,"
or "oil and water."

...it matters to you how someone shuffles your deck.

...you know what FASDIU stands for and appreciate it!

...you'll buy two copies of the same newspaper and not read either.

...you have a business card printed with the word "magician" under your
name.

...you know how David Blaine did most of his tricks and have created your
magic shopping list accordingly.

...you find yourself inexplicably compelled to inform that professional
magician whose show you just saw that you are a magician, too.

...you're happy when you get a half-dollar in your change!

...you actually want to go to a lecture.

...a "shell" is not something found on a beach.

...a "half" can only mean a coin that no one else in the world uses.

...seated at a restaurant you survey the table for "props."

...you want to put a coin into your left hand you have to first pick it up
with your right.

...you are the only one of your male friends to have a nice silk collection.

...people refuse to sit near you because you insist on practicing your
passes, palms, double and count even though you don't have a deck of cards
in your hands.

...every Christmas, you get a new load of Svengali decks or sponge balls.

...you back-palm your movie ticket and produce it out of thin air.

....you can't stand to play card games because of the temptation to flourish
and cheat at least once.

...all your friends call you when magic is on TV.

...your child says," Daddy what happens to a magician when he dies?" and you
say "His friends slap him on the back and say" Nice show".

...you have to be careful not to spend some of the change in your pocket.

...you have more decks of cards than a casino.

...your entire friends name starts with "The Amazing" or "The Great".

...after viewing magic on TV, everyone in the room looks at you asks, "How'd
they do that"? And, all you do is smile and say, "It's really easy if you
think about it, but magicians can't tell." And you're really thinking "How
the heck did they do that"? <-- Yep, that's me....

...you make more "passes" with decks of cards than you do with the ladies.

...you can lose your TT and you visit the magic shop instead of the
emergency ward.

...you pay to see a lecture, buy a written version of what was just
demonstrated to you, and then buy a manufactured version of something in the
notes.

...handing you a tip in a restaurant, people ask you," Do you make your
living doing this? I mean, full time?"

...you pay $60.00 for a book and get, possibly, one or two useful things out
of it and you're happy.

...you buy lots of brightly colored silk scarves for yourself and your best
girl's name isn't "Bruce".

...you are the only guy dragged into the women's clothing store and not
bored to tears because you plant yourself in front of a mirror and check the
angles on your coin moves.

...someone asks for a piece of rope, and you pull one from your pocket.

...you carry more "office supplies" on you than at your desk. (For the
Mentalist)

...you actually have a "use" for rubber cement.

Additions from JLC:

...you admit owning a powder blue tuxedo and didn't co-star in "Dumb & Dumber".

...your facial hair is partially drawn on.

...you shave a widow's peak into your hairline (even when it starts on top of your head).

...you think combing your eyebrows up looks cool!

...you are strangely drawn to wearing a bolo tie - and yet you fear what wearing one might mean.

...every household cleaning product you own has the word "magic", "merlin", or "wand" as a part of its name.

...you associate the phrase "the rabbit died" with faulty apparatus and not pregnancy.

...you can't play pool without wondering if you can vanish the cue like a flip stick.

...spend hours trying to rearrange the letters in your name to use on stage (only to come back years later using your real name).

...tell people that you do "mind reading" and then ask what they do.

...send out publicity photos which look like you....20 years ago.

...hesitate doing Gospel magic because your favorite publicity shot has a little devil whispering in your ear.

...you own several of the same trick because the tubes are different in height (by a 1/4"!).

...you specialize in "the hard stuff" but only if it is on DVD because you can't learn from books.

...you don't use a sixth finger because you are all thumbs.

...you wonder why folks are shocked when you tell them that you do tricks with a stripper.

...you think a lap dance is trying to catch coins on your thighs while wearing dress pants.

...you perform all original material...its just not yours !.

...you think change bags look like common household objects.

...you don’t mind kissing a dove.

...you think your audience believes multiplying bottles look like real glass bottles.

...you reply “$18.95!” (current price) when you hear someone say “What’s Next”.

...you hear “Goldfinger” and think “black magician” before thinking “James Bond”.

...you find logic in making your assistant float and disappear in mid-air - but you need the cover of a cloth to make a 4” ball float.

...you know a card fan has nothing to do with St. Louis baseball.

...you have a tell-tale bulge from a hip pocket wallet, yet when you make a card appear in a huge zippered coat pocket wallet, you think it looks normal.

...you collect Wally Barber postcards.

...you know Teller CAN talk.

...you know Chinese sticks are not table utensils.

...you think an all mentalism show is entertaining.

...you expect people to think it’s magic when it took you half an hour to set up.

...you own a dozen thimbles and can’t sew.

...you readily accept a black American, wearing African clothing, being named “Hiawatha”.

...you don’t perceive a square circle as a geometric oxymoron.

...you own a top hat, cape and cane and have never gone to the opera.

...you begin demonstrating the mysteries of ancient China at the age of 9.

...you make money appear out of thin air and then wait for someone to give you a check.

...you hate it when clowns and mimes do magic BUT you perform the banana/bandana routine and make it appear that a zombie ball has a mind of its own.